Mohawks, Breadstix and a fake date!
by DoTheEmu
Summary: It was an average day at Dalton Academy, jumping on tables, throwing paper around, Wes being an emotional train wreck…    …Wait, what!
1. Mr Bangy

**Hello! This is our new story :) Err...that's it...hope you enjoy it and please REVIEW! Thanks x**

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><p><strong><span>Mohawks, Breadstix and…a fake date?<span>**

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><p>It was an average day at Dalton Academy, jumping on tables, throwing paper around, Wes being an emotional train wreck…<p>

…Wait, what?

"Wes, stop crying! Go sleep with your gavel or something if you're lonely…" Nick complained to the sobbing Warbler.

"Just because David doesn't love you, doesn't mean your gavel doesn't…" Jeff offered helpfully, only causing the boy to cry more.

"I-I-I don't love David…my g-g-g-girlfriend dumped me yesterday because I'm emotionally attached to an in-animated object. It's not my fault Mr. Bangy loves me." Wes sobbed.

"Woah! That's what you nicknamed David?" Nick exclaimed, "TMI."

"To little information." Jeff muttered with a smirk.

"Jeff, you're such a pervert." Nick told his friend with a sigh.

"OMG! That's an amazing costume idea." Jeff explained, hugging his BFF. "Thanks Nickity-Nick-Nick-Nick."

The brunette just gave the blonde a weird look before shoving him off the back of the sofa.

Suddenly, there was a tornado of paper and the faint sound of a couch getting jumped on. The heavy, wooden doors flew open and, in all his hair-gelled might, stood the lead Warbler.

"Hello Pips!" Blaine "Warbler" Anderson said in a mock-British accent.

"Blaine, as you're acting British, this is the best way to say this: sod off." Nick snapped, earning a shoulder massage from Jeff.

"What are you doing?" He asked the tall boy.

"You looked tense. I'm here to help" Jeff shot Nick a child-like smile before sitting next to him.

"You know what," Blaine sighed, jumping on the arm of the couch (what a weird habit). "I'm soooo glad I don't love Jeremiah anymore. It was just stupid to love someone who doesn't love me."

Naturally, that comment caused Wes to howl like a pathetic wolf from Twilight in sadness and storm out of the Senior commons.

"What's eating him up?" Blaine asked, "Did you two steal Mr. Bangy again?"

"No. David's fine." Jeff said. "BTW, Wes is in love with Mr. Bangy, but he doesn't love him back."

"I was talking about the gavel." Blaine deadpanned.

"Oh…Mr. Bangy loves Wes then."

Blaine shot up his triangular eyebrows in confusion and sort of backed away from the weird couple that looked like they wanted to attack each other's face, despite not actually being together. Yet.

"I feel bad for Wes," Blaine exclaimed, feeling like an attention whore today, "I mean, I can get dates with anyone I want too…"

"What about Jeremiah?" Nick butted in.

"I _did _have dates with him. Not my fault he's against sex toys…douche bag." Blaine muttered with an angry look on his face.

"Please, continue with what you are saying." Jeff voiced causing an eye roll from Nick.

"The only person that will ever love Wes in return is not even a person!" Blaine continued. "It's his _gavel._"

"Oh yeah?" Nick challenged. "Let's see you get with a random guy."

"Mohawk Man!" Jeff exclaimed loudly enough for a few heads to turn at him. He awkwardly waved before turning back to his friends.

"Who the hell is Mohawk Man?" Nick asked, in an annoyed voice.

"No way am I dating Mohawk Man!" Blaine shouted in a disgusted voice. "I mean, his hair's worse than mine!"

"Who the hell is Mohawk Man?" Nick repeated.

"Why the hell are you talking about Noah Puckerman?" A high voice exclaimed and the three boys saw Kurt Hummel walk towards them, a slight frown on his face.

"Hey Porcelain!" Blaine greeted him roommate.

"Don't ever call me that." Kurt warned, shooting a death glare at him.

Blaine pouted slightly, and Kurt rolled his eyes.

"You look like a kicked puppy!" Kurt exclaimed.

"I feel like a kicked puppy." He mumbled.

Kurt patted Blaine on the head before addressing Nick. "So, why are you talking about Noah Puckerman?"

"I don't even know who he is." Nick told him. "So, don't ask me!"

"Blaine's going on a date with him." Jeff piped up. Kurt raised his normal-shaped eyebrow.

"Really?" He stretched the word, looking at the guy he's been secretly pining over since he sang Teenage Dream the first time they met, "Puck doesn't seem your type."

"That's because he isn't!" Blaine retaliated, "It's a freakin' dare!"

"Mmmhhhmm." I normally would say taller one, but everyone's taller than Blaine.

"I think it'll be quite humorous to see Blaine trying to get a date with someone who was in juvy." Kurt then said. "We need to formulate a plan!"

"Agent 6, I think that's our cue to be awesome!" Nick exclaimed.

"Agent 3, let's go get the props!" Jeff said with as much enthusiasm as they ran to their room.

"Aren't you worried about what they're going to do?" Blaine asked.

"Nah. Either way, Puck will say no. All we need is a way to get him alone." Kurt replied with a shrug before leaving Blaine alone.


	2. Moustache

**Hey again guys! Belle shall be updating the next three chapters as Todd doesn't have them saved on her computer. Hope you enjoy it and REVIEW! Pleeeaaassseee**

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><p>"When I said formulate a plan… I didn't use the word moustaches!" Kurt exclaimed from where he stood in the parking lot of McKinley High School.<p>

"Come on Kurt!" Jeff exclaimed, "We need good disguises to get in!"

"Yeah… that's why you're only wearing a trench coat…?" Nick asked in a confused voice.

"And what are you wearing Mr Sombrero?" Kurt retaliated.

"A sombrero! Duh!" Nick replied as if it was the most obvious question in the world, "I am a Mexican!"

"Why?" Kurt complained. "It's a freakin' public school. Anyone can wander in here!"

"Exactly. That's why we need disguises. Now put the moustache, the janitor jacket and the chef hat on!"

Kurt grudgingly shoved the moustache on and the janitor jacket, but said no to the hat.

"Suit yourself…" Nick muttered.

Blaine then wandered over and this normally leaves people confused why he wasn't with them in the first place, but there's going to be no reason so don't get your hopes up (there's no major story line). He just missed the car-pool to the shit brick of a building.

"Hey, creepy men!" He greeted them. "I'm looking for three guys named Jeff, Nick and Kurt. Have you seen them?"

"Blaine, your idiocy astounds me." Kurt said, looking quite funny when he's angry in a moustache.

"You know my name! So cool! Hey, Kurt sort of looks like you, without the moustache and the janitor's jacket."

"Blaine, it is me!" Kurt shouted, pulling of the brown moustache with an "ouch".

"Kurt, that disguise is amazing!" Blaine shouted.

Kurt put his moustache back on and led the three Warblers into the building. For once since Season 2, Episode 14, 17, 22(and again since Season 3) Blaine wasn't wearing a Warblers blazer. Which is…er…quite a lot of times actually.

"Act normal." Kurt told them, then looked at their outfits. "Well, er, as normal as you can."

Jeff and Nick nodded, trying to play "stick the moustache on the hair-gel" and Blaine scooted away from them and strutted towards Noah Puckerman.

"WAIT!" Kurt yelled. "Put your glasses on, Mexican, Paedo and I will wait behind this corner."

As they went to their appropriate places, Blaine started to slow-mo strut/cat-walk to a certain Mohawked badass.

All the girls were winking at him and Kurt felt his jaw dislocate from his skull. Blaine looked hot in Starkid specs.

"Hey, Noah." Blaine said in "seductive" voice, placing his hand on top of a locker door. Without warning, the cheap-ass door fell off its hinges and into the hobbit's hands. Blaine's eyes widened as he quickly shoved it in the locker space, squishing the owner's shrine of Edward Cullen.

"Hello." Puck said, in a confused manner. "Aren't you like, Kurt's boyfriend?"

"What?" Blaine exclaimed. "Nah, me and Kurt aren't into each other _that _way." Unknown to him, Kurt started sobbing in the corner silently, not getting attention of Nick and Jeff who were curling their moustaches.

"Are you okay, Mr. Janitor man?" A random girl asked Kurt.

"Uh…yeah. Fine…just been…er….chopping onions." Kurt nodded. "Yeah, onions." And shoved on the chef hat. "I'm a Home-Ec teacher in my spare time." The girl gave him a weird look before darting off.

Back to Blaine and Puck… Blaine kept stroking his eyebrows and telling Puck that his Mohawk shined in the cheap light bulbs at the horrid school. The Jew started to get nervous.

"Oh, dear Lord." Jeff muttered. "This is worse than watching Wes with Mr. Bangy! I need to stop it." And he stepped round the corner and slipped on a puddle of slushie some-one threw at the Tater Tot Queen when she passed moments ago.

And then Jeff's trench coat flew open.

"AAGGHH! FLASHER!" Some random chick yelled, covering her eyes.

"HE'S EVEN GOT A MOUSTACHE!" Her friend yelled.

"WE NEED TO BEAT HIM UP!" That weird hockey-player with a mullet yelled.

As everyone started hitting a naked Jeff with anything heavier than a book, Nick and Kurt exchanged worried glances.

"I never thought he'd _actually _go naked." Nick muttered.

Throughout the commotion, a random dude in a baseball cap came up to Blaine and Puck.

"Can I borrow that locker door?" He asked in a gruff voice.

"Why?" Blaine asked.

"There's a flasher down the hall."

"Yeah, sure." And a smiling Blaine handed the tough guy the broken locker door. The guy thanked him and ran down to Jeff yelling.

"Well, I…uh…gotta go." Puck said, running away.

Blaine sulkily went back to Nick and Kurt.

"Where's Jeff?" He asked.

"Under that pile of violent students." Kurt said. "How did things go with Puck?"

"He ran away. Let's just go back to Dalton…"

"What about Jeff?" Nick asked but saw Kurt and Blaine leaving. "Well, he can get his own ride home." And he chased after the small n tall couple


	3. Mission Completely Possible

**Sorry we haven't updated this in FOREVER! We hope you forgive us :)**

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><p>"Just sitting in that prison cell, butt naked…it can scar you forever." Jeff mumbled, laying down on the couch in the Senior commons like he was at a therapy session.<p>

"You slipping over that slushie scarred me forever." Kurt, sitting in a nearby arm-chair, muttered.

"He has a nice ass." Nick said, in a little daydream, causing weird looks from Kurt and Blaine.

"What?" Kurt asked.

"I…er…talking about…er….Oreo?" Nick stammered.

"Yeah, sure, thanks!" Blaine said cheerily, taking a biscuit from the packet.

"What did you say before?" Kurt asked, suspiciously.

"Oreo." Nick declared, twisting one but, accidentally making in break.

"…It was just, they threw History text-books at me. One guy even had a locker door!" Jeff muttered. At this, Blaine shifted a little bit but no-one seemed to notice.

"Well, Plan A didn't work out well." Nick concluded.

"No shit, Sherlock." Kurt snapped. "We just went to my old school as three creeps, Blaine broke a locker door -," At this, Jeff glared at the midget, "- and Jeff got arrested and Puck ran away. Plan A worked splendidly!" At this, he sarcastically applauded the brunette.

"We need a new plan." Blaine told them.

"I have one!" Jeff exclaimed.

"No." They all cried in unison.

"I have a plan." Nick said. Both Kurt and Blaine cheered.

For the last three days, Mr. Buttchin…I mean, Schuester, was getting really pissed off with everything and everyone. Apparently, he shouted at the piano for not being purple enough.

He was an idiot.

So, it was no surprise he stormed into Glee Club like an angry bull, looking like Vernon from Harry Potter on a good day.

"What's wrong Mr. Schue?" Tina asked.

"Shut up, you just wasted your lines for the story!" He yelled.

Tina started to cry.

"What's wrong?" Quinn asked, reading a bottle of hair dye, with a book titled "What stars to get tattooed on your lower back!" balanced on her knee.

"Puckerman, who the HELL is your secret admirer?" He yelled.

"What?" Puck asked, panicked.

"The school has been getting parcels addressed to you." He accused, holding up a little bear with a heart inscribed saying "Be Mine."

"To Puck," The infamous man-whore read. "Please date me. Love B xx."

Automatically, everyone turned to stare at Brittany.

"What?" The Cheerio asked, playing with a piece of hair. "My name begins with a K."

"I'm pretty sure it doesn't, Britt." Santana said.

"I learned about silent letters and found out my name has tons. It's spelt like this, K-B-R-I-T-R-T-K-A-N-E-Y." But, everyone just shook their heads at her.

"Is that too many silent letters?" She asked, oblivious to no-one paying attention to her anymore as they were all watching Mr. Schue have a nervous breakdown.

"Anyway, Puck who the hell is it?"

Meanwhile, out in the hallway, Nick, Blaine and Kurt were all stood outside the McKinley Choir Room waiting for Jeff to full fill his part of the plan.

"Guys, where the hell is Jeff? I thought he was supposed to just walk in and ask for a word with Puck?" Blaine asked, he didn't have the best patience most of the time, and he was getting bored quickly.

All of a sudden, from within the choir room, there was a loud bang that was followed by the Mission Impossible theme tune.

"Please tell me that he isn't…" Kurt started.

There, inside the choir room, was Jeff suspended from the ceiling with a balaclava over his face, trying to be a spy. Sadly, his harness was cheap and he fell to the floor in a heap.

"Nick, you didn't tell him to do that did you?" Kurt asked extremely pissed off.

"What…erm… no?" he tried too look innocent, but he was failing miserably.

"WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?" Kurt practically screamed, "You told us to act normal, and then you decide to hang Jeff from the ceiling!"

"Well I-" Nick started.

"-I don't want to know." Kurt interrupted.

Nick looked at him for a few moments, then looked back into the choir room, where Jeff was still in a heap on the floor, not moving…

"Maybe we should go and check on Jeff…" Blaine trailed off, he had a bad feeling that Jeff would probably need a trip to the hospital after they finished with this.

"Yeah, we should," Nick started, pulling three pieces of fabric out of his pockets, "Put on your moustaches."

Kurt gave him a bitch glare, but Nick ignored him putting the moustache on his face for him.

"Now, lets go and save Jeff…" Nick started pushing the door open to the choir room.

All the people in the choir room turned to look at the three boys that had walked in with moustaches on their faces. They were all getting kind of worried about how weird the school was getting ever since that whole pervert, flasher thing that happened a few days ago.

At this point, Jeff had finally pulled himself around and started to shout a Puck, "Mr. Mohawk Man," He began pulling the attention of everybody in the room again, "Please would you go one a date with Blaine?"

"Who the hell is Blaine?" Puck asked worried about what he was going to hear.

"Magical, triangular eyebrows man. Lead singer of the Warblers, likes to jump on furniture…" He concluded.

"Will it get you to leave me alone?" Puck asked slightly hoping that the answer would be no, he liked this mad guys, they were always disrupting lessons so they didn't have to do work. The balaclava covered boy nodded without saying another word, "Yeah, alright then sure, why not?"

Nick let out a squeal of delight from where he stood in the doorway of the room, getting everyone in the room to look at them again, "Er… bye then…" Nick ran out of the room leaving a smug Blaine, and a pissed Kurt in the choir room trying to drag Jeff out of the room, "BUT I DON'T WANT TO LEAVE! I NEED TO PUNCH THE PERSON WHO HIT ME WITH A LOCKER DOOR!" he shouted as he was dragged from the room kicking and screaming like a five year old.

They all met up back at Dalton, and it looked like Nick was having his own little party, when he was the one who thought that Blaine wouldn't get a date with him, so that was kind of confusing.

"Well then Pips," Blaine started with a smug grin on his face, "I told you I would get a date with him, and now I have, I think that means you owe someone an apology."

"Well, technically, Blaine, you got a date with him because of all of us so we don't owe you an apology, you owe us a thank you…" Kurt replied, he had to prove Blaine wrong in some way.

"Yeah whatever, I have a date to plan, so Hasta la Pasta!" Shouted Blaine jumping on a sofa as he left the room.


	4. A Yellow Polka Dot Bowtiey

**Soapie is writing this chapter, which is the main reason it _isn't _funny and you can tell she tried to hard (Why must I, Soapie, be a skilled angst writer and not a good comedy writer?) Anyway, please enjoy and no flames because I can't be bothered having an internet fight.**

**Oh, we don't own any of the characters, Village People/YMCA or the song "Yellow Polka Dot Bikini"**

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><p>"Which bowtie shall I wear?"<p>

"What?" Kurt asked. He got dragged to Blaine's room for fashion advice and – predictably – the hair-gelled teen ignored him.

Everyone ignored Kurt Hummel, it seemed.

"Which bowtie? I got my purple striped one, the one with rubber ducks on it, the yellow polka dot -,"

"_It was an itsy-bitsy, tighty-wighty, yellow polka dot bowtie-y!_" Nick sang, barging into the room,

"_That he wore for the first time today!_" Jeff joined in; climbing in through the window, despite that Blaine's room was on the fifth floor of the Dalton building.

"_An itsy-bitsy, tighty-wighty, yellow polka dot bowtie-y_," Nick's voice had gotten lower, yet again scarring Kurt.

"_So in the bedroom he wanted to stay!_" Jeff's voice also got deeper.

"_Two, three, four, stick around, we'll tell you more!_" They harmonised together, wrapping each other's arms on the other one's back, their free arms (Jeff's left, Nick's right) in the air, waggling their finger in poor attempt as jazz-hands.

"Why do you do this to me?" Blaine sighed.

"We're drunk!" Jeff shouted with a giggle. Yes, a giggle. Because it was Jeff.

"Jeff's drunk. I didn't get _any_ of the vodka." Nick glared at the boy he wanted to jump.

"David has some I think!" The blonde replied before hiccupping.

"Guys!" Kurt whined, "We need to be on top form if we're going to spy on Puck and Blaine's date tonight!"

"Wait, what?" Blaine spluttered, dropping his precious bowties in an outrage.

"Yeah, otherwise you'd make a fool out of yourself." Was the countertenor's reply.

"I'll get the moustaches!" Nick volunteered.

"I'll get the disguises!" Jeff slurred, staggering behind Nick, who seemed to be gracefully leaving the room compared to his friend.

"Why do you think I can't handle going on a date by myself?" Blaine asked, pouting, "I've been on _tons _of dates before."

"And look how they ended up." Kurt gave his famous bitch glare, "Plus, it's Breadstix. I'd actually like to go with you one day and I don't need you kicked out the restaurant for jumping on a table!"

"That was one time!" Blaine defended, "Jeff had given me a load of sugar. Nick had given me the _Teenage Dream _Deluxe Album!"

"It was during dinner! Trent was crying, you stepped in his special-made pasta sauce!" Kurt was almost hysterical. Blaine pouted even more.

"Fine. No furniture jumping. Anything else?" He asked.

"Yes. No gelling the hair. You look like a stupid gang member. From the 50's." Kurt said, picking up a bucket of water and chucking it all over him, ruining the blue shirt and bright purple jeans.

"T-that was s-s-so cold!" The soaking wet teen stammered, shivering.

"I'm not even sorry," Kurt smirked, "Put these clothes on with no bowtie and dry off. You'll look fantastic."

"Oh-ok." But, before Blaine could even move to the bathroom to change, Kurt's phone rang and he checked the Caller ID and frowned.

"It's Loudmouth Berry. I'm guessing it'll take a while. Go change and head of to Breadstix. Nick, Jeff and I will turn up not long after. Promise." And with that, Kurt left the room to answer Rachel's call, not knowing he actually gave Blaine the wrong set of clothes.

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><p>Blaine tugged at his outfit, hoping Kurt was right in the head with it looking great, but, nevertheless, he was never one in tune with fashion and he's never judged Kurt's clothing choices before and wasn't going to start now.<p>

Nick, Jeff and Kurt were yet to arrive and last time Blaine saw Kurt was when the taller boy was in deep conversation with Rachel about whether she should go along to Brittany's house to "bling up" Lord Tubbington (honestly, he thought the guys at Dalton had weird conversations until that one) to pay attention to Blaine leaving, not even glancing at him.

And Nick and Jeff were doings God knows what so he was thankful he didn't bump into them. Though, he was worrying now as he needed all of them to make the date perfect.

"Dude, what _are _you wearing?" A not-so familiar face asked. Blaine looked from his phone and saw Puck, in his Titan's jersey, with his hands in his pocket, staring in disgust at Blaine's outfit.

He was wearing leather pants with a denim crotch (Blaine, not Puck), as well as a leather jacket with nothing underneath and a cop hat. A moustache was added, which seemed perfect to Blaine. Feeling nervous, he didn't answer Puck's (purely rhetorical) question and twirled the bling around his neck to distract himself for a few moments.

"Kurt told me to wear it." He muttered defensively, dropping the bling from his fingers and finding the floor extremely interesting.

"Why?" Puck asked, keeping a distance between the two boys.

"Uh, he's at one with fashion, I guess." Blaine shrugged, growing extremely warm in his leather outfit.

"Alright then, shall we go inside?" Puck asked. The curly-haired boy just nodded and followed him in.

As soon as they went through the door, a Batmobile appeared.

"Where did you even get the Batmobile from?" Kurt asked Jeff, thunderous.

"My dad knows a guy who's cousins with the friend of the guy who is drinking buddies with a prop guy who happens to know who builds movie cars." The blonde reply.

"What?" Kurt asked, not catching a single word of that.

"Connections," Nick spelt it out simply for Kurt with a sigh, "Why aren't you wearing your moustache?"

"It's bad enough were dressed as members of Village People!" He snapped.

"Hey, it was either YMCA or Elvis Presley costumes!" Nick defended.

"What about your other ones?" Jeff questioned, "You have costumes from food to Harry Potter characters!"

"The Warblers and Crawford Country Day have a _lot _of costume parties, leaving only two options. And Kurt, you should be grateful I gave you first pick!"

"No you didn't! Jeff picked the Indian, you picked the cowboy, and I picked the builder."

"I was going to pick that one with the cool leather pants and denim crotch but it was gone…" Jeff reminisced.

"Oh, I borrowed it for some material comparing." Kurt shrugged, "Anyway, I don't want to keep Blaine waiting so, let's get going."

And with that, Jeff put on Kurt's moustache, Nick straightened his hat and Kurt actually got out the god dammed car.

"Well? Are you coming?" He asked the other two, who quickly scrambled out the car with Jeff loudly asking for cheesecake.

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><p><strong>The date is next. That is all.<strong>

**Please review so Jeff can have his cheescake :3**

**- DoTheEmu**


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